


White pebbles

by ca_te



Category: Death Note
Genre: Friendship, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-06
Updated: 2010-09-06
Packaged: 2017-10-11 12:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ca_te/pseuds/ca_te
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written on 17 August 2009. Warning: hints to sexual content.</p>
    </blockquote>





	White pebbles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jenwryn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenwryn/gifts).



> Written on 17 August 2009. Warning: hints to sexual content.

"Sometimes when I look at you, I feel I'm gazing at a distant star.  
It's dazzling, but the light is from tens of thousands of years ago.  
Maybe the star doesn't even exist any more. Yet sometimes that light seems more real to me than anything."

[Murakami Haruki]

 

Matt looks at himself in the mirror. It's not a huge mirror, in the end there's no reason why children at Wammy's may need mirrors. It's just an old square of glass. There are Mello's fingerprints in a corner.

Matt thinks that Mello's fingers seem the ones of a child. Mello is like this, little and delicate, like a miniature in an old book.

Sometimes Matt curses Mello's beauty, 'cause it's just meant to make people stop thinking. Not that Matt cares about thinking too much, it just causes troubles, but he would like to stop thinking on his own accord, not 'cause his best friend is more beautiful than everything that the god Matt doesn't believe in has put on this Earth.

Sometimes Matt thinks that he isn't made right, he is too shy, his hair are too red and, well, he is sure that wanting to be touched and to touch his best friend just isn't considered right by many. His father often said to him that he shouldn't care about what others thought.

Matt thinks he is not strong as his father, nor strong as Mello. And not even pure as him.

He looks at himself in the mirror and puts his goggles back over his eyes.

Outside is raining, long strings of water roll down the glass. The sound is the one of a clock, ticking the time away slowly.

Matt likes rainy days, 'cause if it rains Mello remains inside.

He doesn't like the open air. Too much light has always hurt his eyes. He wonders if Mello had to use sun cream when he was little and went out, Mello's skin is still so pale.

Matt has always had a thing for white. For him it has always been the colour of his house, of the sheets of his parents bed. It was the colour of family, before his father got arrested and his mother just abandoned him to gain a new life. Matt wonders if his mother has a family, if he has a brother or a sister somewhere in the world.

He closes the bathroom door behind his back. His and Mello's room is immerse in the half-light. Mello is no where to be seen.

Rainy days are always lazy at Wammy's, kids play in the common room or read in the library. The corridors are sleepy.

Matt waves at Near, sitting at the base of the stair, a tower of dices in front of him. Near tilts his head to the side, white locks dangling in front of his black eyes.

Matt smiles, thinking that, even if they are fourteen now, Near still looks like a eight years old.

He and Matt arrived at Wammy's House on the same day, Watari was holding Matt's hand in his right and Near's in his left. They hadn't talk along the way to Winchester, but when they were standing in front of L's door Near looked at Matt and just said "It's nice to meet you". It was the first time someone had said something like that to Matt. Mello was already there when they arrived.

Matt kneels down at Near's side, takes a dice and places it on top of the tower. Near nods and does the same.

-If you are looking for him, he is in the library.

Matt places another dice, the tower swings a little. He ruffles lightly Near's hair and stands up.

 

The library is silent, and it seems bigger than usual, Matt swallows.

He spots golden hair, Mello seems to belong there, sitting among paper and words. Matt sits down at his side, the blond lifts his gaze and grins.

-It was about time, you lazy ass.

Matt grins back and pulls a lollipop out of his pocket. Mello follows Matt's fingers as he unwraps the lollipop, then he brings his gaze back on the book opened in front of him. But the reflection of Matt's face over the surface of the table distracts him. He swallows, 'cause he knows it's wrong to look at his friend's hands like that. The cold of the silver cross brushing against his skin under the shirt reminds him of this constantly. They taught him to believe in God, and he doesn't want God to despise him, to turn his back to him as his parents did.

Mello passes his fingers over the paper. He shivers as Matt presses a hand on his arm.

-Earth calls Mels!

Mello thinks Matt's grin is as the one of a kid.

-So didn't you tell me that Linda wanted to see us?

Something squeezes Matt's stomach, because Linda is all he can't be, is all Mello can desire. Matt bites his lower lip, waiting for Mello to speak.

-Mhh. She told me to meet in the attic.

Mello brings a lock of golden hair behind his ear, he wishes Matt hadn't asked about Linda. He wishes he could be able not to fool himself over the way Matt looks at him sometimes.

 

Linda listens to the sound rain drops are making over the roof. The attic is dusty and smells of old wood. Linda likes the place. When she is there she feels as inside a safe and warm womb.

She sits on a blanket and brings her knees up to her chest.

The dress rises and leaves her knees bare.

She closes her eyes. She has always been shy. She was afraid when she realized the feeling rising and forming inside of her. At the beginning she had thought it could be fault of what was making her breast and the curly blond hair between her legs grow.

She has always been a shy girl, but also a curious one.

So soon she started to daydream about her two friends, at the beginning it was weird 'cause in the end they were the ones she talked to and had played with when they were smaller. Mello had taught her how to play soccer, and Matt how to play with SuperMario. She didn't distance them even when blood started to flow out of her body once a month.

At the beginning it was weird, but then it came natural to slowly caress herself at morning or at night, thinking about long fingers or red hair, under fresh cotton sheets.

 

Matt follows Mello along the stairs. He tries not to look at the perfect moon of Mello's back.

The wood cracks under their feet, the lazy afternoon ticks away and the rain continues to pour down.

Matt can't help smiling at the sight of Linda's little figure sitting in the dusty light of the attic.

Mello looks at the patterns rain drops are drawing splashing over the skylight.

-Hi.

Linda's voice is soft. Matt feels bad at the idea that Mello could like that voice. Still he can't deny that she is growing into a beautiful young girl. He remembers the little girl she was some years ago, she always wore her hair in piggy tails. Now she wears them untied and they fall over her slender shoulders. Matt knows they are soft at the touch.

Mello sits down at Linda's side, the blanket rustles as he crosses his leg. Matt fumbles in his pockets and pulls out a box of cigarettes and a lighter. Mello looks at the thread of smoke floating up, towards the ceiling.

-Well, what do you want?

Linda is used to the sharpness in Mello's voice. She knows well that he knows how to be gentler only with Matt. Linda is not a fool, although she may not be at the top of Roger's chart.

Drawing so much she has learnt how to see things and how to recognize them. Still she remembers that someone said "The heart wants what it wants". And knowing how things are just can't help her.

She smiles looking at the two boys. The awkwardness between them is palpable in the air, like a thick layer of cotton. She gestures the blanket to Matt, he shrugs and sits down. He looks at his own feet, Mello at his own hands.

-I wanted to be with the both of you.

Mello looks at Linda. He thinks she is pretty. He thinks it would be easier if Matt was a girl. Matt's voice is sweet in Mello's ear as the red-head speaks.

-Uh? Sorry, Linda, but can't we be together all the day long?

Linda chuckles at the sight of Matt's baffled expression. She brings a lock of light brown hair behind her ear. Matt thinks it looks just like a little, white shell. He thinks that maybe what he is feeling for Mello is just adolescent confusion. He hopes that somehow he could start to feel like that towards Linda instead. But then Mello tilts his head to the side and his blond hair dangles, capturing the rainy light of the room. And Matt thinks that may be he doesn't have any hope at all.

Mello looks at Linda and realization just falls on him like water, like rain.

-I see. And what makes you think that we want to be with you?

Linda smiles shyly at him.

-I hope that you want, Mello.

Matt looks at the small vein pulsating under the pale skin of Linda's neck. Her cheeks are redder under the freckles.

Matt leans over Linda's hooked up knees, towards Mello.

-Hey Mels, don't be the rude ass you usually are!

Mello would have hit every one else who dared say something like that to him, Linda knows that. But, now, Mello just looks at Matt, his eyes almost glassy.

Linda's gaze follows Mello's hand as he brushes his fingertips over Matt's right cheek. She feels something squeezing her heart as she sees the little movement of Matt's neck as he swallows.

She tries with all her might to chase the idea that what she is feeling is jealousy. Linda is afraid of jealousy. 'Cause she knows it is like a beast, and she doesn't want beasts in her heart. She just wants to feel them both. And to draw. This is enough for her.

Matt looks at Mello, his friend's fingers still on his cheek.

-Mels?

Mello doesn't want to give a name to the shot of pain he feels crawling inside his ribcage, somewhere around that useless organ they called "heart", as he sees the shock in Matt's eyes. He should have known better since the beginning. He should have killed that desire as he knew his God wanted, till the beginning. He withdraws his hand. Matt lowers his gaze over Linda's knees.

Her knees seem white pebbles.

Linda wishes she could be less sensitive, 'cause feeling the delusion spinning in her friends' minds is making her heart sink.

She wishes she could stop the sadness with her own body.

Lightly, she touches Mello's balled hand. The knuckles are hard under her touch. Mello glares at her, but there's something tender in Linda's eyes, almost a promise. He opens his hand. Linda smiles and takes Matt's hand, squeezing it lightly. Matt looks at their hands and then at Mello.

Their gazes meet over Linda's knees.

Linda takes in breath, stretches out her legs, and, feeling her cheeks becoming hotter, softly lays their hands on her lap. She lets her body feel the weight of those hands. Is the first time she feels something like this.

She wonders how far her curiosity will take her. Still she knows that, being with Matt and Mello, she could reach the borders of the world.

-L-Linda?

Matt's voice is cracking at the edges. Mello doesn't talk, he looks at his and Matt's hands, almost brushing, over Linda's dress. He closes his eyes. He knows why Linda wanted them in the attic, he knows that this may be the only way to feel Matt like he desires to. He moves his hand over Linda's lap, the dress rustles. Linda feels her blood freezing along her veins. Matt looks at the pale perfection of Mello's hand, feeling heat swirling in his lower stomach as he wishes that that hand could touch his body instead. So he moves his hand too, brushing it against Mello's.

Linda takes in breath as their hands brush over the golden triangle hidden under her cotton dress.

 

And it just goes as expected. The rain continues to pour down, ticking over the roof, over the glass, echoing in the dust of the attic, along with the soft sound of first moans. I

t is the first time that Linda is touched like this, and it is the first time Mello and Matt are free to touch each other, still trying to make each other think that they are touching Linda instead.

Linda has learnt not to expect too much, not to pretend too much. She keeps her pale legs wide, the wood coarse under the plants of her feet.

Matt's fingers brush against Mello's ones in the little cave Linda hides inside of her.

And Mello's tongue caresses Linda's lips following the paths left by Matt's tongue.

Linda lets the new sensations sink under her skin, as she feels her lower body becoming liquid and her fingertips tingle.

It's Linda to close Matt's shaky hand around Mello's cock. It is Linda's hand to give the pace, but it's because of Matt's hand that Mello closes his eyes shut and feels his body exploding and his mind going numb.

Matt looks at the white liquid covering his fingers, he blushes as he feels something growing wetter among his legs and inside of him. Linda smiles at him and begins to stroke, the skin of her palm is fresh.

Matt looks at Mello over Linda's hand. Matt looks at Mello leaning towards him, like a dangerous black cat.

Linda thinks that Mello's lips definitely belong there, over Matt's.

 

The rain has stopped. They lay on the wrinkled and wet blanket. Linda hides her face against Mello's chest. She listens to the blond's heart beat, it resonates muffled through the thin ribcage.

There's the light weight of Matt's hand over her side.

She hears the low pour that escapes Matt's lips as Mello slowly brushes his thumb over the back of his hand.

Linda knows they are not looking at each other. She keeps her eyes closed, as her whole body relaxes.

She still has the sound of the rain drops in her ears


End file.
